Who’s dream is it?

Contrary to popular belief my kids don’t train or work out every day. Sometimes they go seven days in a row of training or seven days in a row without training. It’s actually up to them more than it is to me. That’s the way it has always been and the way it will always be. In this pursuit of professional sports there is one constant that I believe must reign above all; This is your dream, not mine. “Son, I can’t make you great. If you only time you ever put in the work is when I say so or during a scheduled practice then you don’t really want it.” My job is to lead, guide, direct, or explain. There is a level of “want to” that has to be internal that you notice consistently from all the greats.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can lead a horse to the water but you can’t make it drink.” Well, to be honest I can make my children drink, and I do. But the only thing in my house that is 100% mandatory and nonnegotiable is school work. We will read and do extra beyond what is given at school. However, when it comes to athletics I will provide a ocean of knowledge and experience. Once I have made you drink a few times then its up to you to drink on your own. “Dad, can we go to the gym and shoot?” For me, that’s music to my ears. That’s what matters. I refuse to wake my children up each day and lead them in a work out. But when they ask then I’m all for it. They can wake me up as much as they want.

This summer is the first time my 13 year old has lifted weights and it’s only because he asked. He hasn’t really hit his growth spurt so I was waiting for that to kick in first. Range of motion, stability, and endurance are my areas of focus for him. At least once each workout I give him something new to see how he mentally responds. We can add weight later but at this age his form and technique are most important. Some days he’s all for it and some days he doesn’t really want to. Although this is the summer we have gone the hardest there was a five day period where he did absolutely nothing. It was one of those times I decided to test him. I often check to see what happens when I don’t mention training for a few days. Given the opportunity to make his own choices he chose Fortnite, repeatedly. So much so his mother decided he can’t play it for a long time. It wasn’t me this time, lol.

Playing video games doesn’t bother me. I played a ton as a child and even as an adult. It helped me pay my way through college. But when you get so immersed into a game where you neglect your body and responsibilities then it creates an issue. “Work comes before play.” I’ll say it and show it until they get it. Long as you wake up and put time into your mind, body, and spirit first each day then the rest of the day is yours. I am very fortunate to have two honest kids. This process would be a lot harder if my kids weren’t honest. This particular five day stretch he was at his mom’s house so when I saw him on Monday I just asked the same questions I normally do.

“You been doing your push-ups and sit ups?” – No

“You ran or touched a basketball?” – No

“You stretched or iced you knee?” – No

This time I had his mother there with me and I asked him what his goals were. “I want to go to the NBA!” he yelled. I made him say it about ten times. He said it in a low voice at first and that’s not a goal to whisper or be shy about. You have to live it and Fortnite won’t get you there. He’s a kid though and I let him live. I just want him to own his choices and live with the result. He’s got to be the one to decides he wants that grind. His brother too. The past two days have been that for the both of them. They both got out and worked on their own. In my opinion choosing to do it one time on your own is worth about three times being told or forced.

With the summer coming to an end soon and football season starting Myles will have to do a lot of it on his own. I won’t be available as much because football season is brutal on family time. Best decision I ever made was to stop coaching high school football and to start coaching them so football season is time spent together. This football season will be the first time since Myles was five that he won’t be playing so things will be a little different. Right now we’re going over things that he can do before and after school on his own. He will come to practice two days a week to do short field workouts and help coach this year.  The rest will be done with the equipment at the house.

Is allowing them the choice more often than not the best way? I’m not here to debate that. But my son has a phone with an alarm on it and knows how to wake himself up. Whatever he wants in this world he has to go get himself. I’m just a resource. Not that I get complaints when I do wake them up or when it’s time to go put in work. I just strive to promote ownership as much as possible. It may come up short on consistency at times but I’m okay with that. It’s our way but more importantly, it’s theirs.

Today, while Myles did squats and lunges Brysen opted for ladders and sprints. Both finished with some mandatory ankle strengthening exercises though. They won’t ever have to do it all alone, but they have to initiate the process more than me. It’s their dream, not mine. If they can’t lead the way then they don’t really want to play. But as long as they continue to take those steps to pursue it themselves I’ll be here to guide them and support them in every way possible. Until next time, B U!