Everyone Won’t Play Today

Player’s Mom: “Coach, can I talk to you for a second?

Can you explain to me why Johnny didn’t play today! I didn’t pay my money to watch him sit on the bench! It’s too hot to be out here and my son didn’t get in the game one time! He has been at every practice! I’m tired of watching kids that miss practice play while my child sits on the sideline! What kind of coach are you! All you care about is winning! I want my money back!”

Player’s Coach: “Mom, can you please come over here so we can have a conversation between the two of us instead of everyone at field? And before I explain, can you do me a favor please and look around the field really quick?”

Player’s Mom: “For what!”

Player’s Coach: “Can you look at your child’s teammates and the other parents, for a second please?”

Player’s Mom: “I don’t care nothin’ bout them. I want to know why my child didn’t play this week or last week!”

Player’s Coach: “Mom, no disrespect. But I do. I care about all the kids, including Johnny. And if you look around you will see 99% of the kids have smiles on their faces and their parents are excited too. The team won today and we just beat a really good team. That team is our rival and we haven’t been able to beat them the past two years. Today is really special for our program and our community. After today we are the number 1 team in the league. I apologize that involved Johnny not playing today but I will explain it to you the best way I can.

My goal as a coach is to do what’s best for this team. Your goal as a parent is to do what’s best for your child. Ideally, those two goals would line up every day of the week but today it didn’t. It doesn’t mean I don’t like Johnny or don’t think he’s good at football. In fact, he’s one of my favorite kids in the program. However, today was a close game and based on what I’ve seen from Johnny so far this season I decided to go with some different players today.”

Player’s Mom: “If Johnny is one of your favorite players then you why ain’t put him the game? That don’t make no sense.”

Player’s Coach: “Mom I think Johnny is a great kid. He works hard at practice. He pays attention. When we checked grades, he had all A’s. And I heard he plays the piano really well. I enjoy coaching your son. He is a great teammate most days. But in terms of football, there are other kids that are better than him right now. And that’s fine, it’s his first year playing. Some of these kids have been out here for five years already. You’re raising a good young man; you should be proud. But football isn’t for everybody…”

Player’s Mom: “Football ain’t for everybody? And what do you mean most days?”

Player’s Coach: “Honestly, when Johnny comes to practice on Mondays, I already know he is going to have an attitude for the first hour or so. But once he settles in with his teammates, he will be fine for the rest of the week. But it seems him and a few others get off to a rough start on Mondays after hearing their parents complain all weekend.”

Player’s Mom: “Complaining, I’m…”

Player’s Coach:  “Mom, I apologize to cut you off, but I still have a field to clean up and I have to get my kids fed. I’ll be at practice on Monday and I hope to see Johnny there. Have a good evening”

Many youth coaches have had to deal with that type of conversation in some capacity. We live in a capitalistic society but when it comes to youth sports, we routinely attempt to create a socialistic sports world. We want every kid to win, get a trophy, score, and receive the same amount of playing time. Youth sports are intended to be fun. But kids should also learn life lessons, and sports should be rewarding. One basic life lesson is that everything is not the same. Our choices, talent, skill, and passion drive the opportunities we are afforded in life. You didn’t achieve your success or reach your goals simply because you paid a fee and showed up. We must take our gifts and talents and work to achieve our goals. Youth sports should be the same in many aspects.

There is a misconception by parents that if their child plays a limited amount of time that it is a punishment. Whether parents know it or not, this concept reinforces entitlement culture. Two kids that signed up, played, and both come to practice from 6:00 – 7:00 on Thursday night should get the exact same amount of playing time during their soccer game Saturday morning. If that doesn’t happen then the child receiving less time is being punished by the coach.

However, parents ignore that maybe the child playing 80% of the game doesn’t just go to practice on Thursdays. It’s possible he trains 3 – 4 days a week in addition to practice. Some kids have a family member that played collegiately or professionally who has been working closely with them since they could walk. Maybe the child has physically developed quicker than their peers and is 5’5 at 12 years old while his counterpart is only 4’6.

Additionally, what does it say to the kid who loves the sport, spends hours working to get better, but then has his playing time limited because another kid is entitled to the same amount of playing time because his parents paid the fee?

Everyone should be able to play sports. However, when leagues or games are designed to be competitive with winners, losers, and championships then mandating equal playing time isn’t the correct method. When a parent/child sign up for a competitive sport then everything is competitive, including playing time. As a society we are losing the mentality that things must be earned and shifting towards rewarding our youth for doing the minimum or meeting the basic requirements.

Ultimately, I believe there is a place for equal play. That location is local recreational leagues without travel. Once we classify teams as “competitive” and you’re traveling to play other competitive teams then it’s time for the kids who earned it at practice to compete to win. Everyone won’t play today, and that’s okay. Kids get better at practice. Kids demonstrate their ability and/or what they have learned at the games. If today is not your child’s day to play then tell them to keep working. You may get paid weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. But as long as you keep working then pay day will always come. Until next time, B U!