A Growth Mindset
Currently, my oldest son, Myles, is the starting point guard on his JV basketball team. He is a freshman in high school, and, I will be honest, this was not the original plan. My son was supposed to skip JV and be a varsity starter. He was supposed to be the best player in his class locally and well on his way to getting offers. He was also supposed to be a little taller and a little bigger by now. To be completely honest, he was also supposed to be a lot better at basketball at this point. However, life doesn’t care about what you envisioned or thought was supposed to happen; life, and especially sports, deals with who you actually are as player and as a person. And based on who my son is right now, he is in the exact position he is supposed to be. And that’s ok. Matter of fact, it’s perfect.
For my children I have always emphasized player development. I never cared about my children being on a team just because it was good or being on a team just to get stats. And I don’t care about him being on varsity for the sake of saying that he is. I’ve always cared more about my children’s role on the team and how that will develop them. It’s a growth mindset that searches for meaningful ways to develop. The two most important factors for those decisions are the level of competition and playing time. The level of competition matters on the team as well as with the opponents too. Placing your child on bad team just so he or she can be a star and get stats is not a good method to develop your child.
For Myles, in basketball specifically, he has experienced it all. He’s been the man, he’s been a role player, and he’s not gotten into the game throughout his journey. As far as being the man, that’s kind of something he’s been often on his school and local teams because he’s a pretty good player and he’s very unselfish. Coaches love putting him at point guard because he has a good handle and he’s a pass first player, so the ball won’t stick. I’ve seen him lead his teams to championships and get drilled by 20+ being ‘the man’ on his team. All of those experiences have been good for him and helped him develop as a player. However, I knew that some of those games he won and all of the minutes he played was sometimes due to poor competition.
When Myles was in 5th grade, I made the decision to place him on a new AAU basketball team because I knew he would have to earn his minutes. I also knew he’d be playing against much better competition as we traveled to Houston, Miami, North Carolina, Atlanta, etc. to play against the best of the best. During the two-year span with the team, Myles mostly came off the bench as role player. He started some, but at the end he found himself not playing at all. It was a fun time and a learning lesson, for both of us. Playing on an elite travel team is much better than playing on a local team if you can find the right fit. The atmosphere is electric, and you find out how good you are–or aren’t.
Myles showed he belonged on the court with every other kid out there and that’s what I was looking for the most. He was undersized and nowhere near as athletic as the other kids but with his IQ and skill level he closed the gap. The first year on the team he was a major contributor, but his role diminished in year two as the team added more guards. The kids weren’t better than him, but he also wasn’t clearly better than them. So his playing time fluctuated drastically from game to game and his frustrations grew. I found myself in the same position many parents are with their child on the bench, attempting to justify my child’s playing time through another child’s lack of performance.
Watching as other kids turned the ball over, missed shots, or played poor defense I felt like the coach should definitely try somebody else; my son! But the truth of it is that my son shouldn’t play because the other kid missed the shot, my son should play because the coach is confident he will make it. The way on the court or the field is not through another’s faults but through your own merits. And when that became the situation for a few tournaments in row we left the program. I didn’t want to bring that negative energy around the team. Nor did I want my child or myself to develop poor habits. The general message I conveyed to coach:
“Hey Coach, we aren’t going to be with the team moving forward. I understand you’re trying to win games. I have never come to you about my son’s playing time because that’s not how I get down. You play the guys you’re confident in and right now my son ain’t in that rotation for you. If this was local thing we’d finish the season out, but it doesn’t make sense for us to continue to drive an hour and a half for practices and travel to all these tournaments with his current playing time. We just gone try to get him better and maybe we can link up again down the line.”
And that was it. No hard feelings or anything to be upset about. My son made some great memories, made friends, and learned lessons. I still chop it up with his coach and he ask about Myles every time we run into each other. The kids he played with are still doing great things in basketball and/or football. Too many parents take these situations personal and as an attack on their child. I’m a coach so I don’t feed in to the talk about ‘favorites’. If you want your child to play then improve their game! Don’t talk to the coach because you won’t be able to do that in every situation.
Pulling Myles when I did was also an easy decision because I knew he could still play with his local team. He still played with them whenever schedules lined up during the two year span. His friends were on the local team and I liked him playing in as many games as possible. My theory for basketball is for my son to play on two AAU teams if possible. The local AAU team is for your friends and kids you will play with in high school. Then you play on an elite travel team in order to play against the best of the best to see how good you are. It was never about playing time or stats, he always got plenty on his local team because he was a starter. It was really about putting him in different situations and seeing how he would compete and respond. I knew when he got to high school, and GOD willing, college he’d have to know how to respond and play in any type of situation.
And here we are, in high school. Starting point guard, averaging double figures, and still learning and developing. It’s a journey. It’s been fun. I can say I’m proud of where he is as a player, but also acknowledge he has a long way to go based on his own personal goals. But those past experiences as well as what he is doing on the court currently tell us exactly where we need to go to continue his development. This is the first year he has ever been willing to just attack the basket and shoot with consistency. I love it when he takes bad shots. Sorry Coach! But only because he usually passes up so many. Can’t learn to make a shot you don’t take.
As far as the plan, he’s currently not the best player in his class in the county so no offers soon come. Nobody gets an offer playing JV basketball. But I know another guy who played JV as a freshman too. It worked out pretty well for him, Michael Jordan. Only thing we know for sure right now is he’s no phenom. But that is ok! He’s better now than he was a year ago. Challenges and failures are opportunities for growth. And he’s growing right now for sure! As long as we can say that again every year until he graduates, I’m confident he will end up exactly where he wants to be. Until next time, B U!
