No Good Referee

There is no such thing as a good referee. As a coach, it’s something I’ve always told my players. As a parent, it’s something I’ve always told my children. And it’s 100% false. There are great referees. There are also terrible referees. But if you come into the game with the mindset that he or she is going to make mistakes today it might take the edge off. It might make you less likely to be involved in an incident  similar to the baseball brawl in Colorado that took place this past week. It might make you less inclined to get thrown out of the game or lose your job. As parents, coaches, players, etc. we have got to do a better job respecting the referees, the participants, and the game itself.

Here is the secret to being a coach, player, parent, or fan observing a game. The only calls you see the referee get terribly wrong are the ones that hurt your team. Think about it! You conveniently missed the out of bounds, holding, or strike that helped out your team. But when it goes against your team the referee is suddenly the worst person in the world and must bear the brunt of all your frustrations. Those frustrations and disagreements lead to the brawl you see below.

That situation isn’t the only of its kind. It’s just another example in a deteriorating culture of youth sports. As a coach you have to look for an require three things from any official: firm understanding of the rules, consistency, and dialogue. But in return you must give respect and never make it personal. It’s okay to be upset, but it’s not okay to put that referee on the spot in front of everyone. Your parents and players feed off of your energy. So if you’re yelling at the official and berating him they are likely to do the same. You have to be able to have a conversation with the referee and be okay with disagreeing. Pick your spots and try to get as private as possible so that no one else can hear your conversation. You also have to tell your parents when they have gone too far. If you expect to agree with every call in the game, just ref the game yourself! It’s not as easy as it looks. I’ve done it at times and missed plenty of calls.

              As a parent, you have to understand that it’s not your place to engage with the referees at all. If you want to talk to the referee then become a coach. Then refer to paragraph three. If you don’t want to coach or can’t coach then I’ll keep it simple and blunt. Shut up! And I can say that because there have been times where I personally need to shut up. However,  my children will tell you I’m getting better. Parental secret, when I film my children’s games I’ve found that I find a corner to myself  and talk a lot less because I have to focus on what I’m doing instead of everyone else. Also, being further away from other parents helps with avoiding the negative energy.

Children get sick of hearing their parents in the stands all the time I’ve found. Not once have I ever heard a kid be proud of his or her parents for how they went after a ref or coach. Attacking referees or coaches puts eyes and ears on the parents instead of the players. Parents your time to shine is over. Let those kids learn and grow. You want the referee to be fired when he misses one call but your child dribbled it off their own foot two straight possessions. Kindly have a seat and help your child work on their ball handling as soon as this tournaments over.

As a player, just play the game. “They not calling nothing!” Has got to be number one on the list of “what my players say” for coaches. My response is always the same, “So!” It’s real simple, whining won’t fix it. Also, if you’re worried about the call then I know you’re not thinking about your stance, running the play, or reading the defense. The things you have can actually do something about. Control what you control and learn to play the way the game is officiated. If they not calling the hand check then hand check. If they not calling holding then hold. If the strike zone is a little higher or wider than normal use it. No two games are ever officiated the exact same.

Referees, throw them out! Be quick on the trigger and let these leagues know abuse from parents, players, and coaches won’t be tolerated. But please know your rules and give coaches the opportunity for a calm conversation or exchange. Coaches are responsible for their fans. Penalties should be immediately enforced and coaches should be removed for what their parents do. If leagues and referees don’t begin to get a handle on this we will see things like this more frequently.

There is such a thing a good referee. He or she is human and will make mistakes during your child or team’s next game. Every call won’t go your way. That does not give you or anyone else permission to attack them. Respect the referee, the game, and don’t take the attention away from the players. Until next time, B U!